Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
