Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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