I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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