ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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