Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
