Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
