I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
