I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
