This is not my ceiling
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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