She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's blow job season.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
