Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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