I think my vagina is haunted
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
