I think I won the penis lottery.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
