Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
