Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
