my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
