hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
