i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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