Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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