every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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