just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
