Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
