cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
