dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
