Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
