If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
