You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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