I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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