yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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