You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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