I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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