I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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