I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
