dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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