dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
