Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
