i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
