I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My feet surprised me
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