I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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