If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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