3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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