I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
honey bunches of taint.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
