bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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