Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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