Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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