only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
