You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
