I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
