no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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