Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
