STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
