when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He did a backflip because drugs
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