I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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