She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
