everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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