"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
