My first STD was from a foam party
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
