So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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