Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
