she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
